I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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