wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
