i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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