I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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