Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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