Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
