we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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