does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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