Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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