so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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