She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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