I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
