I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drake has all the answers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
