They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
