I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
