Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
