The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
