I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
