i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
