I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
