he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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