Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
