I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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