Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
