Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
