you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize