Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
