Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
