And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
