1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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