Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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