I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
