drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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