Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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