I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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