I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
