Do you still have your period?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
