i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize