We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
