who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
