i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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