Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize