After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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