Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
