I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
