I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
