maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
