I need to stop coming to work sober
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
