So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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