you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
