He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
