I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize