Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
