Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
