i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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