Mattress luging...It's a long story.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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