Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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