one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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