Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
