Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
