I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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