I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
