well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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