sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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