Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
