He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
