Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
