U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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