guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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