I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
