I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
