I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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