just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
