I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
